It is a beautiful day today. The sun is shining, the sky is blue with a nice mix of light clouds. I bet there will be a great sunset tonight for photos. But, I’m not feeling so enthusiastic about that right now.
Today I am frustrated and discouraged. My husband and I have this crazy dream to move to Costa Rica and live a more simple life, which I have mentioned here before and have only been talking about it FOREVER. Another alternative to that would be to move to a smaller city, bigger house, and spend more time together as a family. I would be very happy with either of those outcomes. However, it seems life is conspiring to keep us where we are and I am getting frustrated, antsy and incredibly restless.
I won’t get into details, but there have been a few things that have come up in recent weeks that make leaving the city more challenging. It mostly has to do with my husbands work, my children’s schooling and my own conflicting feelings of leaving my career when we do move. There are some other factors that are out of our control which means we just have to wait and see what happens. I know this is all very vague, but that’s all I can say.
Years ago, when I first moved to Toronto, I was taking the train up north to go visit my family for Christmas. I was single at that time, new to the city and my intentions were to stay here for a few years, get some work experience and move someplace else – West Coast was on my radar. I sat next to a very nice lady on the train and we talked for almost the entire five-hour train ride. She told me that when she was my age (early 20’s at the time) she too had plans to only stay in the city for a few years. Those few years turned into thirty years and she told me that as time went on, it got harder for her to change her lifestyle and leave, so she didn’t. She seemed happy enough however I will never forget the tinge of regret I heard in her voice. Recalling that conversation makes me fret.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Toronto. It’s a great city, but I need a change in lifestyle and I doubt that staying here will be the best place for that. Just when I think we are making some progress and getting closer to making that happen, some new challenge comes up and puts us back to square one. There are so many factors to juggle, decisions to be made and of course the needs of our kids to consider. My head is a jumbled mess of thoughts and worries about doing what is best for my family.
Heh. I can’t help but laugh at myself and the irony of all this. It seems the joke is on me. Our road to the simple life is turning out to be way more complicated than I ever expected.